the surprisingly wild

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More than a year ago, I posted this entry, where I set a goal for myself to hike the Batona Trail from end-to-end. I failed the Krav Maga training I attended last spring, and that failure demolished my self-confidence. I wanted to set – and conquer – a goal that felt good and that I knew I could complete. I had a lot of work to do to get ready, and I really had no idea what was on the horizon for me.

Five months and one week after setting this goal, I married Donna. We had an incredibly fun celebration at Camp Ockanickon, where we were surrounded by friends and family. It was a perfect day.

party about love

Three weeks after that, my hands went numb. I thought that I had slept on them, but when the pins-and-needles feeling didn’t go away, I decided maybe it was a pinched nerve, or an injury from karate. After a few days, the feeling had spread – I couldn’t feel the texture of objects I touched, I couldn’t grip properly, and now my feet were giving me trouble, too. Eventually the feeling spread up my legs and into my abdomen. I visited 3 doctors and one emergency room over the next few weeks. I had tests, tests, and more tests: blood work, evoked potential testing, MRIs.

Brain

Seven weeks after my first symptom,  received a diagnosis: Relapsing-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis. I learned a lot about MS very quickly, but mostly I learned two very important things:

1. My prognosis is excellent. Because I paid attention to my body, and didn’t ignore it when I felt something was wrong, we were able to identify very quickly what was happening. The neurologist I am working with now is confident that we found the illness very early, and he describes me as a “textbook case.” This is good news.

2. I am very lucky. Many, many people experience symptoms far worse than I did – vision loss, cognitive impairment, loss of motor control, partial or total paralysis – the list of symptoms is seemingly endless. My symptoms were not severe – in the grand scheme of things, they are annoying and inconvenient, but that’s about it.

So what now?

Well, the hike is still on. My mobility, balance, and strength are good right now. That might be the case for years or decades; that might be the case only for a few months. There is no way to tell, though at this point, all signs point to good things. But while I have the opportunity, I’m going to take advantage of feeling good.

The trip is scheduled for October 9-12, 2015 – Columbus Day weekend. My friends Andy and Don are going to join me on the trail, and we’ve started inventorying our gear.

gear

I’ll be doing the hike now as a fundraiser for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society; check out the Batona Trail section of this site for details on how to support me by making a donation to the NMSS.

Screenshot 2015-07-06 15.23.54

where i lived, and what i lived for

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I have set a goal for myself that in September or October 2015, I will hike the entire length of the Batona Trail – a 50-mile hiking trail through the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey.

Batona Trail Map

I will, of course, need to find someone to do it with me – hiking alone for 3 days in the Pine Barrens is not exactly something I feel ready to do. A few friends who have shown some interest, so we’ll see how that works out.

I started prepping today by taking a short hike around Pakim Pond in Woodland, NJ. It was a beautiful day, sunny & warm, low humidity. We hiked the Cranberry Trail, an well-blazed and wonderfully kept trail that is ADA-accessible. The woods were quiet and we spotted a Northern Fence Lizard rustling up a tree next to the trail, a pair of butterflies hanging out by the pond, an assortment of birds, some sheep laurel, and the loveliest pine cones I’ve ever seen.

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It was a good day.

NaPoMo, Day 7

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This morning I woke up to the smell of forest fire. The Pine Barrens were on fire again, and something called a temperature inversion meant that you could smell the fire all the way up to New York City. The air was hazy and smelled like summer camp. 

The fire is under control now – local news is reporting 100% containment. 

Day 7

Rachel’s Poem at the PFFA: Mere-Exposure Effect
Someone Else’s Awesome Poem: Tawni Vee Waters, “From Isis to Osiris On the Day She Found His Head”

NaPoMo, Days 4 & 5

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Today is April 5. Today is the day Kurt Cobain died. Today is also the day Layne Staley died. 

I came of age in the 90s – I learned about sadness, about anger, about love and greed and jealousy and compassion in the decade where political correctness was a trend, where the slacker generation was trying to figure out what to do with the frustration and discouragement they felt. Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Soundgarden opened up music for me in a new way, and I will be forever grateful for that. 

But Alice In Chains spoke to me in a way the others didn’t. 

I was standing in my friend Anna’s living room when the news of Layne Staley’s death broke – I remember it scrolling across the screen and I was just heartbroken. I don’t often feel connected to celebrities – their lives are so unlike mine, and I recognize that they are not actually people I know, just people whose faces I see in the news. 12 years later, though, I am still devastated. Perhaps it’s simply because of the loneliness of Staley’s life at the end. But in listening to the AIC catalog, I realize now how incredibly anxious he was about life. And death. 

Oh Layne Staley we love you get up. 

Day 4: 

Rachel’s Poem at the PFFA: I Am What I Am: A Natural Disaster
Someone Else’s Awesome Poem: Frank O’Hara’s “Poem [Lana Turner Has Collapsed!]”

Day 5: 

Rachel’s Poem at the PFFA: In the Box
Someone Else’s Awesome Poem: Frank O’Hara’s “The Day Lady Died”

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